Drill Press
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

E-Z Out bolt and stud extractor
A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is 10 times harder than any known drill bit.

Eight-foot-long Douglas fir 2x4
Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack.

Electric Hand Drill
Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.

Hacksaw
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle.  It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

Hammer
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the part we are trying to hit.

Hydraulic floor jack
Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.

Mechanic's knife
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and leather jackets.

Oxyacetylene torch
Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your garage. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum that contains the bearing race you're trying to remove.

Phone
Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

Pliers
Used to round off bolt heads.

Snap-On gasket scraper
Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

Timing light
A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

Tweezers
A tool for removing wood splinters.

Vise-grips
Also used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can effectively transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

Whitworth sockets
Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½ inch socket you've been trying to find for the last 15 minutes.

Wire wheel
Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch..."