New voice mail message al local psychiatric hospital

Hello. . . . .

Welcome to Psychiatric Hotline!

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press -1-repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press -2-

If you have multiple personalities, please press -3,-4,-5,- and -6-.

If you are paranoind-delusional, we know who you are what you want.  Just stay on the line so that we may trace this call.

If you are schizophrenic,  listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter what number you  press, no one will answer.

If you are liberal, just trust the government to take care of you.

If you are a conservative, you don't need us.  You can do it yourself.