Plato For the greater good.
Karl Marx
It was a historical
inevitability.
Machiavelli
So that its
subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken
which has the
daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but
also with fear,
for whom among them has the strength to contend
with such a
paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the
princely chicken's
dominion maintained.
Hippocrates
Because of an
excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida
Any number of
contending discourses may be discovered within
the act of the
chicken crossing the road, and each
interpretation
is equally valid as the authorial intent can
never be discerned,
because structuralism is dead.
Noam Chomsky
The chicken
didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994,
something like
99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that
year had spent
82% of their lives in confinement. The living
conditions in
most chicken coops break every international law
ever written,
and some, particularly the ones for chickens
bound for slaughter,
border on inhumane. My point is, they had
no chance to
cross the road (unless you count the ride to the
supermarket).
Even if one or two have crossed roads for
whatever reason,
most never get a chance. Of course, this is
not what we
are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing
around on Sesame
Street and Foster Farms commercials where
chickens are
not only crossing roads, but driving trucks
(incidentally,
Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own
the Foster Freeze
chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry).
Anyway, ...
(Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text
of his answer,
contact Odonian Press)
Thomas de Torquemada
Give me ten
minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary
Because that's
the only kind of trip the Establishment would
let it take.
Douglas Adams
Forty-two.
Nietzsche
Because if you
gaze too long across the road, the road
gazes also across
you.
Oliver North
National Security
was at stake.
B.F. Skinner
Because the
external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from
birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion
that it would
tend to cross roads, even while believing these
actions to be
of its own free will.
Carl Jung
The confluence
of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
that individual
chickens cross roads at this historical
juncture, and
therefore synchronicitously brought such
occurrences
into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre
In order to
act in good faith and be true to itself, the
chicken found
it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
The possibility
of crossing was encoded into the objects
chicken and
road, and circumstances came into being which
caused the actualization
of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein
Whether the
chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the
chicken depends
upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle
To actualize
its potential.
Buddha
If you ask this
question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Howard Cosell
It may very
well have been one of the most astonishing events
to grace the
annals of history. An historic, unprecedented
avian biped
with the temerity to attempt such an herculean
achievement
formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is
truly a remarkable
occurence.
Salvador Dali
The Fish.
Darwin
It was the logical
next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson
Because it could
not stop for death.
Epicurus
For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
It didn't cross
the road; it transcended it.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe
The eternal
hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway
To die. In the
rain.
Werner Heisenberg
We are not sure
which side of the road the chicken was on, but
it was moving
very fast.
David Hume
Out of custom
and habit.
Saddam Hussein
This was an
unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Jack Nicholson
'Cause it (censored)
wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic
What road?
Ronald Reagan
I forget.
John Sununu
The Air Force
was only too happy to provide the transportation,
so quite understandably
the chicken availed himself of the
opportunity.
The Sphinx
You tell me.
Henry David Thoreau
To live deliberately
... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain
The news of
its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Katherine McKinnon
Because, in
this patriarchial state, for the last four
centuries, men
have applied their principles of justice in
determining
how chickens should be cared for, their language
has demeaned
the identity of the chicken, their technonogy and
trucks have
decided how and where chickens will be distributed,
their science
has become the basis for what chickens eat, their
sense of humor
has provided the framework for this joke, their
art and film
have given us our perception of chicken life,
their lust for
flesh has has made the chicken the most
consumned animal
in the US, and their legal system has left the
chicken with
no other recourse.
Stephen Jay Gould
It is possible
that there is a sociobiological explanation for
it, but we have
been deluged in recent years with
sociobiological
stories despite the fact that we have little
direct evidence
about the genetics of behavior, and we do not
know how to
obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure
most prominently
in sociobiological speculation.
Joseph Stalin
I don't care.
Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.
Malcom X
It was coming
home to roost.
Logan KFC
Extensive market raeserch should, that there
was a greater chance
for profit on the other side.
ps I want to know, who came up with the question?